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Maybe they are older than she is, making jokes about Narcissus and the end of civilization as we know it.

Maybe they are all men, deeply affronted by a woman looking at herself with longing, a woman who is both the see-er and the seen, the courier of her own message.

She had no one to share her face with, and so she kept it to herself like a secret.

One day, two years after she started taking pictures, Clover killed herself in front of her bedroom fire. She swallowed potassium cyanide, the agent she used to develop her photographs.

This is why they sneer at her like she is masturbating.

This is why they believe that no selfie could ever mean anything other than vanity.

I think about the ones who never got to use front-facing cameras, that technological ease and excess that we have so quickly taken for granted.

I think about Julia Margaret Cameron, who got her first camera as a gift, in 1863, when she was 48 years old. We know this from her great-niece, Virginia Woolf, who wrote that Julia was an ugly duckling in a family full of cameo complexions; her nickname was “Talent,” where her sisters got to be called “Beauty.” Cameron became instantly obsessed with photography and dove into her second act.

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That girl in the park taking selfie after selfie after selfie? She’s figuring out which parts of her face she loves; she’s doing confidence fact-finding.I don’t know why Julia chose to glower, but if I had to guess, I would think she knew she could grimace for a full hour. The type of camera Julia used wasn’t made for experiments; each snap was a big commitment.We aren’t bound by her constraints now, with our ability flood our clouds with unlimited smirks, kissy pouts, tongue waggles, goofy winks, and come-hither stares.But upstairs, in her little room, she worked with colloidal silver, and there, Clover was queen of her domain.She started taking photographs as a side hobby in 1883 (Henry would never let her go pro with it), collecting pictures of her friends and family and the politicians that flowed through her house, the ones she wasn’t really supposed to talk to all that much.




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